My Anorexia, My Struggles & How i got through it.

I started facing Anorexia when i was in 6th grade, (it's an early age, i know.) Also went through it in 8th grade, 9th grade, and the summer going into 11th. It all started because I was often made fun of for my weight back in elementry school. When i was younger, my weight never really bothered me, i was just like "oh well okay, I'm chubby- thats normal." but once i hit a certain age, it all hit me. i was 'fat'. i stopped eating, and i lost a lot of weight, of course my mother was worried out of her mind. I was recieving a lot of compliments though, which were always nice & inspired me just to lose even more weight. Although I kept recieving compliments- I still felt huge.. Theres no such thing as a goal weight..because you will NEVER feel good enough. It was like that song about anorexia by Superchick called 'Courage' one of the lines from it - "Someone tells me how good I look, and for a moment I feel happy. But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry." I remember looking in the mirror the summer going into 8th grade, and punching it... and watching my reflection shatter because i HATED how i looked- & thats when my second road down anorexia began. I was very moody, and suicidal at this time as well, i remember throwing myself on the kicthen floor, with measuring tape screaming crying because i was fat, even though i was a size 0, i can never forget how scared the look on my moms face was. I began being homeschooled in 8th grade, I would work out the whole day, and eat MAYBE some fruit and a half of a veggie burger. I wouldnt let myself eat more than 500 calories, and then it sooner when down to 300, and then ... to nothing.  & when I did eat, i always made sure i burned more calories than i ate. This obsession followed me into 9th grade..i only threw up once, in the movie theater, my friend was bulimic, and we ate pretzels, and i felt like i gained 100 pounds, we missed half the movie because we were to busy throwing up in the bathroom.  i later recoverd by myself without going for help... but, i wouldnt call it full recovery, i still worked out everyday, and only ate low fat foods. I was still kind of obsessed, but at least i was eating. I started to gain weight, because after anorexia, when people start eating, they tend to gain double the weight (usually). at 16 years old, summer of 2010, i went through it again - pretty bad this time. I had a lot of my family, friends, and even their parents worried about me. I would have to get force fed. I remember being at warped tour, feeling like i was about to black out and collapse, i also realized i was pushing the people i loved away. I told myself that i dont want to keep on living my life like this, every few years going through this disease. I went to my mom and told her i wanted help (first step to recovery YAY) I went to the Hospital, & I went to therapy for the rest of the summer. & Im glad i decieded to go for help, because this is the first time after all the times that i went through this eating disorder, that i know i WONT go through it again. If you have any questions, or if you want to know more details about my expierience, just let me know.... all i want to do is help.. thankyou (: